Projecting retired yourself into the world

I work as a retirement coach, typically with people on the verge of retirement. I often find myself listening to them as they pose this question (in their own words):

  “Will I still be interesting once I retire?”

This speaks to the issue of image or identity. You certainly had an image/identity when you worked, defined by your job or occupation: dentist, bus driver, wine maker etc.

I’m talking here about image or identity in the sense of how others view you, think about you. Now you can cultivate your image or let it grow by itself, but either way it will project itself into the world.

What about in retirement? Well, like it or not your image will change. At first you may project as a: 

·      Relaxed person who no longer has to wake up at 6 AM on Monday

·      Fun person who can do whatever they want each day

I predict that won’t be enough to satisfy you over the medium term. But here’s the good news. You have the power to define your new image.

So what I suggest is that you start to think about aspects of your work identity that you would like to preserve. Some of these will apply to you: 

·      Being an interesting person

·      Being of value to others

·      Learning new things

·      Participating in your community

·      Mentoring younger people

·      Creating new things *

·      Exploring and travelling.

The choice you make will derive from your deepest sense of self, your needs and wants, your meaning and purpose in retirement.

This passage of self-discovery will enhance your fulfilment in retired life.

*I would add that creative writing doesn’t just happen. Obviously it requires time, energy and dedication. Is that for you?

Legacy in retirement

What is a legacy?

Legacy is a concept with two senses. The better understood sense is that of a financial bequest, perhaps an inheritance, from one generation to the next. But legacy also has a second, related meaning.

That second meaning comes about because each of us leaves a trace in the world, and some of that may be by accident, but if it is by design then that is a specific sort of legacy that we can ponder.

Suppose you are already retired, then your work legacy is effectively sealed in a box, a box that when opened may release fair and foul odours, but there is not a whole lot of useful work you can do on that particular legacy.

However, now that you are retired you can think about your legacy (as a trace in the world) in at least two ways.

Legacy number 1

First you can ponder the ways in which you can help other people. This may come through charity work, through devotion to family or perhaps through friendship. You now have the time and space to work on this, if you choose.

Legacy number 2

The second legacy is related to the first but subtly different, it’s the things you achieved for yourself – perhaps selfishly, perhaps altruistically – but which define the way in which people will remember you: she was a good golfer, he was a fine cook; he enjoyed classical music, she was always friendly to the neighbours.

So a trace in the world, as legacy, could be your charitable works, dedication to family and friends, or, the things you created or did for yourself: art, craft, sport etc.; but - put simply - it’s what you will be remembered for, that is, what you leave behind.

 

But how this pans out depends on how other people perceive you, a concept we wrestle with our whole lives, and which Robert Burns the Scottish poet summarised in the hope:

 

“Oh would some power the gift give us, to see ourselves as others see us.”    (*)

 

In your professional life you may have worked in a role that everyone understood, such as bus driver or doctor.

No matter, that is in the past. Now in retirement do you feel that other people understand what you are about? Perhaps you don’t know yourself!

There is an answer. Find your meaning/purpose in retired life. Legacy could form a very important part of that meaning.

 

(*) From the poem: To A Louse, On Seeing One on a Lady's Bonnet at Church.

Downsizing

 

I recently moved house. Everyone knows how challenging and complex that can be in a logistical sense; with all the packing, throwing away and unpacking involved.

I want to cover some other aspects of a move, more emotional than practical. As retirement often seems to bring into play a move of house: downsizing and sea-changing being examples; I believe that this topic is relevant to retirees.

For a start, and this applied to me, the first period of time in my new abode felt just a little bit like a holiday. Who would have thought!

The next thing to say is that, unless your move is to the house/apartment next door, you will grapple with the matter of life in a new community. In that vein, you might ask yourself these questions:

  • What kind of people live in your new community? Their age, their social demographic. How different are they from the people in the community that you recently vacated.

  •  What is the street-life of your new neighbourhood? This will be determined by many factors including nearby schools, the businesses that operate there (if any), public transport, even how garbage is collected and how clean the streets are.

  • Am I a stranger here? As you walk around your new neighbourhood it will strike you that there is no-one who knows you, no-one you can chat with. That will change with time, if you want it to change.

  • Where are all the necessary shops located? You will doubtless want to find the coffee shops, cafes and food shops that are essential to your life. They may be closer or further away than they were previously.

Then, as you settle into your new living space, you may feel some regret or nostalgia, while thinking of the comforts of your previous residence. Perhaps you have fragrant memories of children, grandchildren and friends attached to your former house. I don’t think that is anything to worry about in the short-term, it seems natural. On the other hand, if you couldn’t wait to leave your old house this won’t be an issue.

Then there is the matter of the relationships you have now left behind in your old place of residence: some friendly, some neutral, some hostile, some burdensome. The choice will be yours to transport those relationships as you desire or don’t, and then build new ones in your own way and at your own pace.

Finally, there are some little things about your new house/apartment that will nag at you. At least this is what I found. Such as:

·      Where did we put the colander to drain the pasta for our meal, as the pasta you just cooked goes cold in the pot?

·      Remind me again where we parked the car and, in the case of an apartment block, where do we collect the mail?

Over time the unfamiliar will become familiar again. Who knows, you might then think about moving again; or not: as you remind yourself of the hassle involved.

Fun, production and consumption

Fun, production and consumption

We live in a consumer society. I think it is correct to say that the internet offers an infinite amount of “stuff” for you to consume. Amazing! What has this got to do with your retirement?

Well, as a worker (in whatever capacity you worked) you produced, so it’s natural to equate your retirement with consumption. You deserve it don’t you?

You do, but…as a consumer you take what is offered, whereas as a producer you can MAKE: art, craft, music, books etc.

They even say that when you are “in the flow” of making you will experience high levels of satisfaction. And even have fun. 

Call to action: consume less, produce more and have fun!

To discuss this further please email jon@64plus.com.au

Retirement: You won’t know what it is like until you get there.

Diaries in retirement

Diaries in retirement

Why would you keep a diary in retirement? Isn’t that something that busy, harried working people need and have? Retirement should be all about relaxation and low stress, shouldn’t it? Well yes, but…..

Here’s the thing. When you retire you will have friends and acquaintances who are still working. They will maintain diaries. That can create a problem for both of you. Here’s how.

If you fail to keep a diary in retirement then you may miss a catch-up with one of those still-working friends. Example. That friend keeps a diary so knows to meet you for coffee at 9am, but you are a no show. Oh oh, that is NOT cool.

It’s amazing how many issues arise in retirement that you don’t think about beforehand. That is why planning is essential.

If you would like to discuss these and other retirement issues please email me on jon@64plus.com.au 

Retirement: You won’t know what it is like until you get there.

Fulfilment in retirement

Fulfilment in retirement

Pardon the pun, but is there a difference between fulfil and fill full in retirement? That is the $64,000 dollar question. Let me explain.

In retirement you can certainly fill your days, months and years fully. There are a huge number of activities on offer to distract you: sport, TV, WhatsApp and Facebook, long lunches etc. BUT is that fulfilment for you?

Not necessarily, because there is the ever-present risk of BINAM: Busy Is Not Always Meaningful.

Turn that the other way. I claim that fulfilment comes as a result of you breathing life into your retirement, in a way that meets your basic needs and wants.

In other words the arrow should go this way

Your needs and wants >>>> the correct activities for you

Not the other way around.

Contact me on jon@64PLUS.com.au to discuss HOW you can locate your needs and wants in retirement.

Retirement: You won’t know what it is like until you get there.

 

I'm worried about Dad

I’m worried about Dad

What is the connection between your children and your retirement? No I am not going to talk about your childrens’ inheritance. Instead I want to discuss those glorious early years/decades of your retirement. Those years in which you will have re-invented yourself after a near lifetime of work.

What will your children make of it all? Well that depends on what you tell them, or don’t tell them. I’ve heard children of retired people use the phrase “I’m worried about Dad”. This is because they fear that “Dad” is having a bad retirement.

To stop your children worrying that you are experiencing a bad retirement you could: 

1.   Tell the kids you are OK

2.   Show the kids you are OK

3.   Pretend that you are having a great retirement, when in fact you aren’t

Personally I don’t like the first alternative, I really like the second alternative, but I fear that the third alternative is all too common.

The third alternative is common because, unfortunately, in our contemporary society we don’t have commonly-accepted IDEAS about what a good retirement looks like. So what can happen?

Actions have consequences. Your children – who are now adults – will see through your ruse in alternative 3. That is when “I’m worried about Dad” can emerge.

How can you embrace the second alternative? To discuss your potential strategy, please email me on jon@64plus.com.au

Retirement: You won’t know what it is like until you get there.

Shalamar

You won’t miss X until it’s gone

Popular music of the 1980s somehow managed to avoid me. In particular, I don’t recall a group called Shalamar. The title of this article comes from one of their songs. For Shalamar X was “love”, but I want to substitute X by “work”.

I want to highlight 4 things that you may miss from work when you retire: Culture, Language, A Common Cause, Beliefs.

What am I getting at here? Well, I am not talking about anything high falutin’. I only want to make a simple point.

When you leave work it becomes clear that your former co-workers continue to share that culture, language, set of beliefs and a common cause, which you no longer share with them. Why? Because you are now in retired space with its own Culture etc.

Therefore if you talk retirement with your former co-workers they are likely going to discuss it from their point of view. For example, if you ask them for retirement tips they may suggest you find work as a consultant or director. You, on the other hand, might see this as a backward step for yourself.

I admit that I missed Shalamar. If in retirement you miss the aspects of work cited above, then the question is: how can you replace them?

To discuss your potential replacement strategy, please email me on jon@64plus.com.au

Retirement: You won’t know what it is like until you get there.