Mindset in retirement

Fortune article on key mindsets of retirement March 2024

The idea of retirement as envisioned by our parents is undergoing a radical change. Once viewed as the last chapter before death, it has now morphed into an intermediate phase that is no longer synonymous with old age or complete inactivity. Today, a typical retiree can reasonably expect to live another 20 to 30 years, ideally in good health, provided they continue to exercise both body and mind. In this context, the word “retirement” seems obsolete. It is perhaps more fitting to refer to it as the “third half” of life.

However, retirement often entails a profound change of identity, especially if work played a substantial role in shaping one’s identity. Losing much of what defines us while still possessing the energy and desire for a working life can be profoundly disorienting.

Getting the transition to retirement right is vital for retirees, their colleagues, and organizations. Through our research and interactions with professionals navigating this shift, we have pinpointed four psychological mindsets associated with the transition to retirement.

1.   The switch

Vanessa was a partner in an audit firm in Paris. At the age of 51, she decided to cease her professional activity. “I was getting old and realizing it,” she says. She gave herself two years to organize her succession and slowed down, changing her occupation day by day.

“Things had changed in my head; it had become difficult to stay at 100%,” she says, adding that she was thinking about her “future job.” A year after her retirement, she remains active, but in a different field, now running a bed and breakfast hotel in Marseille. She takes daily walks to the market to source produce for her guests, and winters in the southern hemisphere for two months during the winter lull.  

“Switch” professionals like Vanessa describe a natural transition to their “third half” identity. The common feature among them is how carefully they prepare with small incremental changes and open discussions about their plans. They seem to have departed from their former professional identity without regret, moving towards a new identity that they may not idealize but recognize for its positive benefits.

2.   Transcendence

Denis retired a year ago. He is critical of his former professional environment, where he feels there is still a strong “alpha male” culture and excessive professional commitment. Nevertheless, he serves as a non-executive director of various organizations, one of which is a former client of his.

Other aspects of his work, however, are completely new to him. He has learned to cede executive control and take a position of oversight, which is both rewarding and different. Above all, he has adopted a holistic approach to life, leaving more room for what he finds deeply fulfilling and interesting. For instance, he takes pleasure in coaching a junior basketball team in his spare time.

Individuals who are “transcending” share similarities with professionals going through a rapid “switch.” However, the distinction lies in their desire to maintain a professional identity and shift in steps. They exist in a liminal stage, straddling between two places. Even if they are ready to engage in new activities, they do not wish to completely give up their professional lives, whether in terms of activities or the customers they serve. They have one foot in the new and one still in the old, offering a sense of psychological stability and solace.

3.   Regret

Gregory, a former accounting partner, retired and became an independent consultant. He left at the mandatory age of 55 years old, relatively disillusioned but in good health. Relieved to have left the political aspects of his former organization behind, he is bitter about his new role, which he expected to have more purpose. He feels alone and lacks administrative support. To Gregory, enforced retirement felt like a schism.

Much like the “transcending” retirees, those in the “regret” mindset find themselves stuck in the middle between their professional and retiree identities. Their choice seems more painful, caught between two identities that they fundamentally dislike. Two common characteristics include a form of pessimism regarding their future and a lack of attachment to their current professional identity.

Although they are often strongly critical of their former role, they would have stayed in their profession if they had been given the choice. In short, they are deeply ambivalent and in a subdued emotional state. The former working identity was known but unwelcome, whereas the anticipated identity as a retiree remains vague and induces anxiety.

4.   The false start

Akiko reached an agreement with their law firm before leaving, allowing them to continue the activity of counsel and work with their team and clients. Knowing that they would remain with their organization, they did not prepare for retirement. “It’s a bit egotistical… What am I supposed to do? Be like the mastermind that liquidates itself?”

Akiko has maintained elements of their prior role, including the pension plan, office, and parking space under the building. People who “false start” struggle to let go of their attachments, move on, make themselves redundant, and properly plan for succession. There seems to be a denial of the need to bring new generations into the mix. They never really leave the starting blocks, hardly shedding their professional identity. Their day-to-day activities are very similar to the ones they have been doing until now. Instead of accepting their status as retirees, they deliberately, and often to their detriment, find themselves incapable of letting go of their profession.

Why retirement matters and what to do about it

Future retirees are often disoriented and relatively anxious about this new phase in their lives. As a result, organizations must carefully consider their approach to dealing with this segment of their talent pool. Should they opt to let them go completely, or do they see an advantage in maintaining a close relationship to benefit from their experience, knowledge, or network? To support and guide them toward the chosen strategy, organizations might consider the following initiatives:

Demystify procedures and guidelines

Given that retirement remains a taboo subject in many organizations, with expectations, procedures, and available options often unclear, it is important to be transparent about the company’s strategy.

Discussing the consequences of retirement together allows both parties to prepare. This can include conversations about financial considerations, access to the workplace, participation in events, and use of email. Financial incentives could be structured to discourage people from “hanging on” indefinitely.

Celebrate and honour the retiree

Organized programs can initiate and support the transition into retirement, as well as an event to say goodbye and honour their legacy. This experience can be positive for both those leaving the organization and their colleagues. Sabbaticals near the end of the executives’ tenures can provide a psychological release to explore new horizons. Assigning people ambassadorial roles at conferences and other visible and high-status events also sends an appropriate signal to the market and the individual.

Provide support

Providing people with time for reflection and creating a space for reflective practice is essential to help them prepare for retirement. Individual coaching or, better still, group coaching, can be invaluable in this regard. This allows them to reflect on their transition, verbalize their feelings and misgivings, and receive the advice and benchmarking they may need.

Despite being laden with anxiety, the so-called third half can be the most glorious chapter of life. Liberated from the shackles of insecurity and aware of their competencies and strengths, people can be empowered to contribute to broader social systems. Rather than perpetuating a taboo, healthy companies address the subject early, identify the specific mindset of each individual, and gently guide them towards a different and more constructive future.

 

 

Article on regret

The upside of regret: How a painful emotion can lead to better mental health

By Stacey Colino December 31, 2023 Washington Post

 

As 2023 comes to a close, you may find yourself conducting a personal year in review, taking inventory of what went well and what didn’t. Which means you may end up experiencing regret.

 

Regret can be painful, but it can also be a powerful tool for self-understanding and change.

“If you pay attention to regret, you can learn from your mistakes and make decisions and handle emotions better in the future,” said psychologist Robert Leahy, director of the American Institute for Cognitive Therapy in New York and author of the book “If Only … Finding Freedom From Regret.”

 

“Regret helps you imagine possibilities,” he said. Regrets can be large or small, persistent or fleeting. They can be for something you did (like drinking too much and getting sloppy at a holiday party) or for something you didn’t do but wish you had (such as not accepting a challenging job or asking someone out on a date.)

 

Research has found that the five most common sources of regret relate to education, career, romance, parenting and self-improvement. These are areas where people “see their largest opportunities” or “tangible prospects for change, growth, and renewal,” the researchers noted.

 

Fortunately, everyone can benefit from exploring their regrets. “If you think about regret and use it as a guide for changing your behaviour in the future, it won’t linger in your life,” said Todd McElroy, an associate professor of psychology at Florida Gulf Coast University in Fort Myers. “Your regret will go away.”

 

Consider what regret is trying to tell you

 

Experts recommend asking yourself the following questions and then reflecting on the answers:

·       Why do I feel regret?

·       What drove my decision then?

·       What do I care about?

·       What could I do differently in the future, based on my values?

“Regrets tend to be related to who you are and what’s most important to you, to your core values,” said Elizabeth Lombardo, a clinical psychologist in the Chicago area and author of “Get Out of the Red Zone.”

Denise Grothouse, a 57-year-old marketing professional in Naples, Fla., has regret around her father’s death. She recalls visiting him when he was dying of cancer and unable to speak. Grothouse had to make a hasty exit to drop off her seven-year-old son at his dad’s house.

As she was leaving her father’s room, he began to cry in a way she’d never heard before. “I knew at that moment that I would never see my father alive again, but I didn’t want my son’s dad to be angry with me for being late,” Grothouse said.

In retrospect, she regrets not trusting her instincts to stay. “In that moment, I gave away the agency over my life to someone else,” she said.

But she has also learned from the experience, and embraced the mantra: “There is a reason your windshield is larger than your rear-view mirror.”

“Embracing this mind-set acknowledges that my past has value because every hardship contains a lesson,” she said. “But it helps me focus on steering myself toward a better future.”

 

Avoid ruminating about regrets

 

The key to using regret to your advantage is to analyse it but not to dwell on it. To evaluate your regrets constructively, set aside a specific time to evaluate a particular regret. Give yourself 10 to 15 minutes to reflect on it then get back to your current life.

“Rumination keeps you locked in your head, spinning your wheels,” Leahy said. “Rumination is not the same as solving problems, and it may not give you clarity.”

While you shouldn’t ruminate on regret, you shouldn’t ignore it either.

“Regret is an emotion that doesn’t feel very good but it often has something important to teach us,” said Laurie Santos, a professor of psychology at Yale University and host of “The Happiness Lab” podcast. “Regret is a signal to how we could behave better in the future — so we ignore it at our own peril.”

 

Take corrective action

 

Consider whether your regret has to do with your actions or inactions, Santos advised. If it’s related to something you said or did, you may be able to rectify the situation by apologizing to someone you hurt or by reaching out to someone you lost touch with.

“There’s real power in an apology, in coming clean and taking responsibility for your actions,” Lombardo said. “Putting it out there has the power to help your relationship.”

If you can’t fix a situation, you can try to accept something good about the experience. Tell yourself, “At least I’ve learned _____,” and then fill in the blank, Santos suggested.

If your regret stems from inaction (say, you didn’t accept an appealing job offer), think about what you can do now to improve your current work situation or look for a new one.

 

Be kind to yourself

 

Self-compassion means treating yourself with the care and understanding you would give to a dear friend. One series of studies found that self-compassion helped people better cope with regret. Acknowledging that “I’m human and I make mistakes” allows you to live with your regrets peacefully. “It doesn’t mean you forget it or that what you did was okay,” Lombardo noted. “But you can forgive yourself and move to a place of acceptance.”

Stephanie Shanks, a 42-year-old mother of three in Baraboo, Wisc., said her biggest regrets involve opportunities she missed out on. Her list of regrets includes twice choosing the wrong romantic partner and not taking care of her personal well-being.

After working on self-forgiveness, she built up the courage to change her life and launched her own photography studio.

“Now, I prioritize my own needs and focus on the fact that I’m doing the best I can to be the best I can be in the future,” she said.

 

Remind yourself hindsight isn’t always 20/20

 

Studies show that sometimes people idealize choices they didn’t make, believing that the road they didn’t take would have led to a much better outcome.

“We have to remember there is no perfect path,” said study co-author Dan Feiler, an associate professor of organizational behavioural science at the Tuck School of Business at Dartmouth College.

As you look back on what you didn’t do in 2023, remember that you made decisions based on the information you had at the time. “Sometimes the best lesson you can learn from regret is to be realistic about your expectations and limitations,” Leahy said.

 

So what's next-what comes after a life of work?

This could be you.

You are about to retire. What does your work day look like? Well, your work day rolls along like waves at the beach, the day begins and the work rolls in and then the day finishes.

Now imagine you’re retired and it’s midday, not quite lunchtime. What has happened so far today? Oh look at what you’ve achieved:

·      Got up early and went to the gym.     

·      Totally kept up to the minute with the daily news cycle  

·      Read all the WhatsApp chats and Facebook posts

·      Put some time into the tax return

All good. Now what might happen after lunch?

·      Will a friend call and suggest a catch-up coffee?

·      Is it worth seeing a movie?

Who knows, but the big question is this: will tomorrow and the next day and the next day look just like this?

It doesn’t have to. If you can locate your meaning/purpose in retirement then a retirement day can transform into a rich landscape of possibilities for you.

This course will help you to locate your meaning/purpose. Sign up:

https://buildingyourbestretirement.thinkific.com/courses/building-your-best-retirement