A couple at dinner: one is retired, the other still working.

For a range of reasons many couples don’t retire at the same time.

Redundancy, ill health, financial necessity, new workplace opportunities, or personal preference can disrupt plans to align your retirement timeframe with your partner.

We find couples with a mismatch in retirement timing (and daily schedules), face an added layer of complexity as they adjust to a relationship dynamic that is temporarily, but suddenly, jolted on its axis.

The below reenactment of this common scenario is well worth a listen, and a great example of an element of the retirement transition where thinking through the issues, communicating your preferences, and planning ahead, can be the difference between harmony and resentment.

This couple is grappling with the mismatched daily realities of working life versus retired life and the differing priorities they each have for travel and leisure and sources of meaning and purpose.

Listen below:

Problems you can face in retirement.m4a

Moving house in retirement and its consequences

Have you lived in the same place for years and years? Perhaps you raised a family there and paid off a mortgage, or created a storehouse of memories and more in the kaleidoscope of possibilities?

 Change is unavoidable in the transition into retirement, and there a couple of topics that come up frequently in our coaching discussions with clients:

o   Time — e.g. Will you be bored in the endless days of retirement?

o   Space — e.g. Can you have a room of your own now that you may find yourself in the house 7 days a week?

Here is a third factor: What if you decide to move house? You may choose to downsize, but that is just one of many motivations to move.

I’m no real estate expert but it seems to me that moving house before or during retirement can bring forward many issues for you. Let’s look at some.

1.   We’ve all heard of people who make a sea-change when they retire. It sounds straightforward, but it’s not, for a number of reasons:

a)   Concern that medical facilities and other infrastructure can be harder to find in regional and coastal areas.

b)   Moving away from your social network in the city can create a sense of loss and loneliness.

c)   Creating a new social network in your new surroundings takes time and will be harder for some than others.

Do you agree that there is a lot to unpack here?

2.   What if you own more than one property?

Having options is great, but can also mean you need to make difficult choices about which pathway to pursue. One of our retirement coaching clients owned residential properties in Sydney and Melbourne with a farm located in between. The choice of where to live involved attachment to place of birth (Melbourne), convenience of current location (Sydney), and ambiguity about life in the country.

What to do?

3.   Finally, there may be some left-field considerations.

What if the climate matters? Living in a cold climate may crimp your social activities by encouraging an ‘indoors’ life. On the other hand, a warm climate may offer more opportunities for more social interaction and events. Some localities and living environments are also more conducive to regular exercise and physical activity.

You may find some of these situations relatable, or perhaps you have obligations to ageing parents — will that limit your decision to move to another state or city?

Or, supposing you have an adult child who lives overseas, maybe with grandchildren. Will you contemplate a radical move to be closer to them?

Do any of these examples loom in your life as you think through your own retirement plans?

There are no universal solutions, but retirement coaching offers an avenue for discussion and contemplation to allow you to make more informed decisions when designing your unique version of retirement.

There are few forums where someone will listen and help you articulate your retirement ambitions, guide the discussion with the questions that matter, and equip you with a plan of action to make an effective retirement transition on your timeframe and terms.

Reach out to have a more detailed and personal conversation about your retirement plans:

https://www.64plus.com.au/contact

Please welcome David Kennedy to 64PLUS:

https://www.64plus.com.au/about

Jon Glass Retirement Coach at 64PLUS.

Retirement can arrive in many ways

There is no such thing as a typical pathway to retirement. People decide to finish work for a range of reasons.

Here are some common scenarios we come across when working with our coaching clients nearing the end of their career, or recently retired:

·      Redundancy arrives at an age where you may not be willing or able to source another job.

·      Personal illness or incapacity.

·      You need to take care of your ageing parents.

·      Other family member illness.

·      Feeling a desire to slow down, or no longer wishing to work at the same intensity.

·      FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out), where you notice your already-retired friends enjoying regular travel experiences.

·      You sense the end of the employment road is coming into view; perhaps you are passed over for a promotion, or experience ageism in the workplace.

·      You get a wake-up call when a close friend falls ill.

·      You are about to hit Age Pension age or an unofficial retirement age typical of your occupation.

·      You have an opportunity to shift to part-time work at a time when you are ready to reduce stress levels and make time for other lifestyle activities.

·      Pressure to retire comes from your partner or children or friends.

·      You find work less stimulating and there are other more enticing priorities on your mind.

Here is a bonus reason that was submitted by a reader:

”Another reason to retire is losing your hunger, losing your edge, feeling like not working at your full capacity, ambivalence to the job.  Even though your peers and boss don't see or notice this, you do.” And a second bonus reason now from a client: “I’d like the opportunity to explore my own projects rather than the boss’ projects.”

If you would like to have an obligation-free chat to learn how to make a successful retirement transition, feel free to get in touch:

https://www.64plus.com.au/contact 

Jon Glass: Retirement Coach

Wingers versus Planners

Introduction

If you’ve watched the 64PLUS YouTube channel (@64PLUS93), you may have heard me discuss this topic. But if not, let me introduce you to the concept of wingers and planners. This distinction is particularly important during the transition to retirement and the early years of retired life.

After work comes retirement

Let’s start with an assumption. You are working in a job, or have recently retired from a job. Let’s also assume that at work your day typically had a clear structure.

For some retirees, that sense of structure continues—they wake up with a plan for the day, week, or month. This plan might involve specific activities, such as meeting people or completing tasks. I call these retired individuals planners.

Now, let’s meet those retirees I call wingers. In contrast, a winger starts the day with no predetermined plan. Over a cup of coffee, they admire the open vista of possibilities, then allow the day to unfold as it may.

The choice is yours to make

I’m not here to say one approach is better than the other. Both have their merits, and of course, your personality may exhibit a mix of winging and planning.

However, as a retirement coach, I encourage clients to adopt a planning mindset. Why do I do that? After all you may have in mind that retirement invites you to chill, relax and de-stress, precisely the mindset of a winger.

Perhaps some field evidence that I have gathered will give you pause for thought. These are sentiments I keep hearing, in many ways and many words, from many people:

“Retired friends tell me how they hate waking up and asking themselves: when I worked, I always had a plan. Now that I’ve retired, I keep wondering—what’s next? I’m bored and I’m worried the boredom won’t stop.”

Perhaps that doesn’t convince you so let’s keep going: what is this thing called boredom? Let’s delve deeper, as understanding it helps to highlight the benefits of being a planner.

Boredom

For me, boredom brings back memories of long, hot summer days during my childhood. I remember feeling restless and out of sorts. My parents used to say I was “at a loose end.” (Incidentally, “loose end” sounds like a playing position in American football).

I will now attempt a working definition of boredom. Boredom is your lack of desire for anything, despite you having complete control over your time. You can even watch the seconds tick by, but nothing sparks your interest, so time weighs heavily. That doesn’t sound terribly appealing.

It’s time to return to you and your retirement. OK, I admit that there’s nothing wrong with small doses of boredom. They may even lead to some useful self-reflection. That’s all fine, however the field evidence I quoted before was all about the dangers of prolonged boredom, which is the real enemy of a fulfilling retirement.

At last, the real question has emerged: can you avoid prolonged boredom? I say you can. How can you pull off that magic trick? Well, it’s the essential outcome of retirement coaching, which is to locate your true meaning in retirement. Visit the website 64plus.com.au for more detail. I’ll leave it there for the moment.

Conclusion

Wouldn’t you prefer to avoid prolonged boredom by planning your retired life, even loosely? Of course, not every moment needs to be scheduled. Part of the joy of retirement is the freedom to swim in the unpredictable and exciting surf of life.

However, having a plan—one that fills your days with meaningful activities—can steer you away from prolonged boredom. It also creates opportunities for great joy and fulfillment.

As a retirement coach, I’ve seen firsthand how planning can transform retired life. Also I’ve done it for myself.

If this resonates with you, feel free to reach out for a conversation: jon@64plus.com.au

Why you lose motivation after retirement (and how to get it back), or why retirement can feel unsettling even when everything looks fine

Many questions will arise in your transition from work to retirement. Or as I like to say, when you cross the bridge from a working life to a life after work.

In this article I will address a very important question: motivation in retirement. Where can you locate it and why does it matter? As for the “where” of motivation I will defer my answer and move straight to the “why”. 

You already know that motivation matters because of something obvious from your worklife: there you have a strong motivation to achieve (perhaps not every day or week). Why? It’s obvious, it’s because your job demands that you achieve certain goals. I don't care what your job is: from bus driver to Prime Minister you're going to be measured and assessed by certain outcomes that you will strive to achieve. Importantly those goals are typically set and measured by other people. I call that external motivation.

Suddenly in retirement that external motivation can disappear, but don’t worry, there is help. PHEW. It’s your internal motivation. This is the “where” I mentioned before. Internal motivation derives from the reasons deep inside you that inspire you to set and achieve your goals. What do I mean here? I will get to that, however first I need to say something encouraging.

This shift from external to internal motivation in retirement can be liberating. And of course you may still have external motivation in play e.g. carrying out some voluntary work where another party sets your goals.

So what are those “reasons deep inside you” I mentioned above? To answer that I need to talk about your “needs”. I’m sure you know about Maslow's hierarchy of needs, where food and shelter sit at the base of his pyramid of needs for each person. I don’t think that is controversial. It gets trickier as we move up the Maslow hierarchy through health, then family, then on to so-called higher needs you may have (such as self-esteem). Hang about. What’s all this got to do with retirement?

All things considered, you may be thinking can’t I just relax and have fun in retirement? Yes you can, and if that is all you want then read no further. But if you seek a retirement where you flourish and achieve fulfilment, where your identity that you project into the world is strong and even admirable, then motivation to achieve some of your higher needs (whatever they might be) is critical. This brings us back, after a long detour, to internal motivation.

Now I want to deconstruct this concept of internal motivation, by invoking these three C's of motivation:

·      Challenge

·      Contribution

·      Control

To be sure – as you will recognise - all three were in evidence when you worked in the channel of external motivation.

Let’s explore them.

1.   Challenge

Retirement prompts a choice between a growth-oriented strategy or a status quo/defensive approach. The former involves actively seeking new challenges to grow and flourish, while the latter may emphasize comfort, de-stressing and relaxation. In truth this distinction is only a matter of emphasis, as even a golf player will adopt the growth strategy of shrinking his handicap.

A growth strategy will cause you to embrace challenges that stretch your capabilities. Moreover, learning to play a musical instrument or mastering any new skill can meet your needs, by providing a sense of achievement that will guide you down the path to a fulfilling retirement.

2.   Contribution

In our lives we want to do more than sit in a room looking out a window. In other words, we have a deep desire to contribute to something beyond ourselves. In retired life (as in worklife), this desire to contribute could manifest as supporting family, engaging with society, participating in community initiatives, developing others through mentoring or perhaps all four, and more. Contribution provides a sense of purpose that anchors retirees in meaningful pursuits.

3.   Control

The final—and perhaps most subtle—of the Three C’s is control. By this, I mean a sense of autonomy or self-governance. In retirement, you are suddenly liberated from the pressures that guided your work activities. But this is also a challenge, namely what do you do with your life? What activities do you engage in?

As soon as you meet and overcome that challenge you find something amazing. You are your own boss. This gives you the ability to design your days based on decisions that align with your needs, personal values, and meaning. 

If you read this far I assume you have in interest in flourishing in your retirement. Good. Then the three C’s of motivation should be useful to you, and I advise you to think about them further. Of course a retirement coach can help.

You know where to find me.

Jon Glass Retirement Coach

A case study on finding meaning in retirement

Introduction

Sue (not her real name), a high level specialist doctor, came to me because of her fears around retirement, which came from two sources. During a stint of long-service leave some years ago she found herself at a loose end and didn’t cope well. Also she witnessed how her father failed to find meaning in retirement. Fears about impending retirement can be very real for people who haven’t located their personal meaning in retirement.  

What did her partner think?

Moreover for Sue, her thinking did not take place in isolation, and that is the case for most people. So, in a joint session her husband (already retired) expressed his concerns about how they can live happily together in retirement. His concerns centred on how, as a couple, they would juggle structure (so central to her work life) and freedom (so present in retired life). We worked on how her “driven personality” could find its place in their joint daily activities. This led to a regular topic in coaching: how to have difficult conversations.

What will she miss from work?

She will miss several aspects of her worklife such as the energy at work, the daily banter and her status as a doctor.

How Sue uncovered her meaning in retirement

This is the major part of coaching so I will be brief. In settling on her meaning in retirement, we discovered that she is a perfectionist with a deep-seated fear of failure. For her this often leads to an inner conflict between the opposing forces of “I can do it” versus “I can’t do it”. We discussed how that model may no longer serve her in retired life. To explain why perfectionism doesn’t need to matter in retirement, let me talk about myself for a moment.

Taking a step to the side

I am a student of language. My Italian is quite good but my Japanese is awful. Actually that doesn’t matter. Why not? Because my goal is not perfection, it’s to meet Japanese speakers and help them with their English. This delivers meaning to me. I believe this example brings out the essence of meaning in retirement (although it is very peculiar to me and won’t relate to most people). Failure in retirement doesn’t have consequences: you won’t get fired!

Conclusion

Sue realised through our discussions that she could find meaning by channelling her energies into activities that allow her to apply the top-line skills from her work life, such as mentoring. This would satisfy her need for structure. I reminded Sue that – as her own boss in retirement – she has the freedom to be flexible and make changes along the way.

On being a long-distance grandfather

At 72 years old I still find myself employed, working as a retirement coach helping people to cross the bridge from their work life to a happy, fulfilling retirement.

Not surprisingly, many of my clients are grandparents like me. I have three grandchildren aged four, nine and 12.

Now here’s the twist. The youngest grandchild lives in Sydney as I do. But the two older grandchildren live in Portugal with their parents, making me a long-distance grandfather.

But before discussing long-distance grandparenting, with all its trials and joys, let me begin by talking about grandfathering in general. Some children have deep and loving memories of their grandfathers, while for others their grandfathers died early so there was no chance to form a close bond.

My trajectory as a child was the latter – unfortunately for all parties concerned – hence it’s no surprise that I would dearly love my grandchildren to have strong memories of me. This leads to an obvious question.

Given my situation, will I struggle to build and maintain relationships with my grandchildren in Portugal? In general, are long-distance grandfathers at a disadvantage to local grandfathers? The answer must be an equivocal “it depends”. This is because of the way in which quantity and quality interact to provide answers.

Here is one thing I do know. What is true for long-distance grandfathers is also true for local grandfathers. You can choose to be remote from grandchildren, taking a more old-fashioned approach, or you can engage with them when you meet. My approach has been the latter. However, that is not the end of it.

I still sometimes ask myself: What am I missing? There are obvious things such as regularly taking them to the movies and spoiling them for a short period of time. At a deeper level, I miss the opportunity to spontaneously catch up with them. That said, I still feel positive in my role and have some learnings to share.

Here are some techniques to making the most of a long-distance relationship. First and foremost, make the effort to take a holiday to where they live. It’s a great experience to see them in their daily lives, going to school, meeting their friends and enjoying family occasions. Then you can extend that holiday and visit other locations that attract you. For this to happen, it’s important to budget for travel. Also encourage their parents to bring them to visit you – as often as feasible.

Use Facetime, WhatsApp or Zoom video conversations as often as possible, bearing in mind that they might not be free to talk with you, especially if there is an inconvenient time difference. In my case, Portugal is 11 hours behind during our summer. You can get creative by having both parties play the same game or share an activity on screen that has been agreed to in advance.

Don’t ignore the written word, either in the old-fashioned way with envelope and stamp or as an attachment in an email to their parents. I write regularly to my grandchildren discussing a range of topics such as spelling in the English language, describing members of our extended family, friendship and all its vicissitudes, dealing with mean people and why reading is important.

The latter is very dear to my heart. I have written a book series called Worcester Glendenis Kid Detectiveabout a 12-year-old wannabe private detective. He’s an expression of my lifelong passion for the written word that I am hopefully passing on to my grandchildren.

Never forget to send presents for birthdays and Christmas – and ensuring they arrive on time. Remember, sending presents via overseas mail can be fraught – I even got a present sent back by the Portuguese postal service. However, Amazon usually has an online store in each region and it’s easy enough to have presents delivered.

Two final thoughts on long-distance grandfathering. Talk to other long-distance grandfathers to get their perspectives. You may pick up some good ideas as you share your thoughts. And you’ll be surprised just how many there are of us.

If you can’t fight ‘em, join ‘em. Your child has chosen to live overseas with your grandchildren (or maybe you decided to live away from your child). Either may change, but it’s a situation you must accept. As they say in poker, make the most of the cards you’ve been dealt. It’s not always easy, but it’s your reality.

Loneliness is not the same as solitude

Loneliness is not the same as solitude 

Why is it so?

Solitude is a state of isolation that has been chosen. For example, a person may seek solitude in order to reflect on life or to find peace.

On the other hand, loneliness is not chosen. It is a painful feeling of isolation that results from a lack of meaningful social connections. Statistics show that almost half of Americans aged 60 years and older feel lonely.

You can dispute the numbers, but what seems true is that this form of social isolation can be very dangerous as it can lead to depression and other mental health issues. If you think that loneliness could be, or could become, a serious issue for you, then please read on.

What is a way to think through this issue?

Take a look at the banner at the top of this post where I drew 3 concentric circles: family, friends and acquaintances. Take a moment to list

·      your family members

·      who is in your friendship circle

·      your acquaintances

This is not, and I repeat not, an exercise in coming up with big numbers. It’s about assessing the quality and depth of your social relationships.

Once finished, it will become an exercise in self-assessment, in which you have taken an honest look at your social connections. By taking that honest look you can start to assess the strength or weakness of your social connections. If you are happy with your assessment then that is great. However, it’s worth remembering that matters will change over time. On the other hand, if you are concerned for yourself then you have work to do. 

What is the remedy? 

The remedy is to build out your network of social connections. This is not easy to do, but a Retirement Coach can help you.

Please reach out to me:

Email: jon@64plus.com.au or Website: www.64plus.com.au

A quiz on retirement

Make sure you 1) load it into Chrome 2) take the test then go to the end to see my comments.

https://brandedcontent.nine.com.au/isf/what-is-your-retirement-personality/

Please reach out to 64PLUS for more help on your transition to retirement:

https://www.64plus.com.au/contact

Motivation in Retirement: The Three C's.

You want to stay sharp and maintain a level of emotional balance in your retirement, don’t you?

Well, here are three tips for you.

Lifelong learning. There are plenty of on-line courses you can take in any subject that interests you. Coursera, edX and certain universities are places where you can easily find courses. Some are even free. Or maybe take up and learn a new skill: a musical instrument, a language, woodwork. The list goes on.

Social network. Make the effort to keep up with old friends. That’s great, but also try to make some new friends. Volunteering, joining community groups and taking courses in a college are ways to make new friends and acquaintances.

Stay curious. This may sound abstract but retirement gives you a chance to be creative in a way that maybe work never did. Taking up small projects such as genealogy, gardening etc can get you thinking and behaving differently. Even taking a different path on your regular walk and observing the new environment closely can stimulate your curiosity.

Finding a blend of these practices - tailored to your preferences and energy levels - will make for a fulfilling retirement while keeping you both sharp and balanced and make you an even more interesting person.