Let’s Help Prepare you for YOUR Retirement:
No two retirements look the same - yours won't either. Below, you'll find a selection of articles written to help you put words to something you might not have realised needed articulating. Sometimes the hardest part isn't finding the answer; it's not knowing there was a question worth asking in the first place.
If you'd like a feel for how I think about retirement - or a sense of what working together might actually be like before you commit to a call - start with the blog. It's the closest thing to sitting in on a conversation with me.
What Is Retirement Coaching (and why retirement can feel empty without it)?
Retirement coaching helps people who feel lost after leaving work. If retirement feels harder than expected, here’s what most people don’t realise. Let me go into detail.
There are three essential pillars to a fulfilling retired life. The first pillar is financial, and as I'm not a financial planner, I won't delve into that. The second pillar is your health, but since I'm not a medical doctor, I won't be discussing that either. The third pillar, and the one I focus on in this blogpost, is what I like to call your emotional life in retirement.
Now, you might be asking yourself, what could he possibly mean by "emotional life"? Let me take you through it. In my view, as you cross the bridge from a working life to a retired life, several things will happen. Some of these changes you might anticipate in advance, while others might only become apparent as they unfold. This transition to retirement is a significant life event, and it's something worth thinking about deeply.
Firstly, let's talk about the things you might miss from your working life. Some aspects will be negative—like perhaps the two hours of daily commuting that you certainly won't miss. However, there are also positive aspects that you might not realize you'll miss until they're gone. For instance, you might miss the social interactions, the camaraderie, and the banter you had with your colleagues. In addition, work typically provides you with a structured routine, and you might miss the predictability that accompanies it.
Of course, everyone is different, and what you miss will be unique to you. I've actually developed a comprehensive (and extremely long) checklist of potential things people might miss when they retire, which I’d be happy to share with you.
But missing aspects of work is just one part of the equation. The next thing you'll need to consider is your sense of meaning or purpose in retired life. Purpose might sound a bit abstract, so let's call it your "reason to get up each day." Having a sense of purpose is crucial because it feeds directly into something more tangible—your identity.
In your working life, your identity was, at least partially, defined by your job. Whether you were a train driver, a lawyer, or something else, you had a clear answer to the question: "What do you do?" But in retired life, answering that question becomes a bit more complicated. You might find yourself struggling to define who you are without your job title. This is why it's important to consider what your identity will be in retirement. How do you want to be known? What will give your life meaning and structure that you can easily explain to other people (and to yourself for that matter)?
This brings me to the final point—retirement coaching. What exactly is retirement coaching, and how can it help? Great question! Most people are familiar with the concept of coaching, for example a football coach who helps players improve their game. A retirement coach, on the other hand, works with you to navigate the emotional and psychological aspects of the transition to retirement. I sit with my clients, listen carefully to their answers to thoughtfully-posed questions, and then guide them toward making choices that help them construct a meaningful and fulfilling retired life.
This process is incredibly valuable because it helps you clarify your thoughts and feelings about retirement, and it gives you the tools to build a life that is rich in purpose and satisfaction. Whether you're just starting to think about retirement or are already retired but struggling to find your footing, coaching can provide the support and direction you need.
For more details on what 64PLUS can offer, please visit our website at www.64plus.com.au. You can also reach me directly via the email address provided there. I'm here to help you make the most of your transition to retirement and ensure that your emotional life in retirement is as rewarding as it can be.
What a life in retirement can mean, including a case study that discusses the importance of the transition to retirement, the questions it raises, and how to unlock meaning a purpose in retirement.
Click on the link below
https://www.providencegroup.com.au/post/what-can-a-life-in-retirement-look-like
What is retirement coaching and how can it help in the transition to retirement?
Click on the link below and watch the video.
https://www.providencegroup.com.au/retirement-coaching-services
Some thoughts from John Gardner, a very interesting writer
With an eye to the mystery of why some people and not others manage to live with vitality until the end, and to the fact that life metes out its cruelties and its mercies with an uneven hand, Gardner writes:
One must be compassionate in assessing the reasons. Perhaps life just presented them with tougher problems than they could solve. It happens. Perhaps they were pulled down by the hidden resentments and grievances that grow in adult life, sometimes so luxuriantly that, like tangled vines, they immobilize the victim. Perhaps something inflicted a major wound on their confidence or their self-esteem. You’ve known such people — feeling secretly defeated, maybe somewhat sour and cynical, or perhaps just vaguely dispirited. Or perhaps they grew so comfortable that adventures no longer beckoned.
Recognizing that the challenges we face are both personal and structural, that we are products of our conditions and conditioning but also entirely responsible for ourselves, he adds:
We build our own prisons and serve as our own jailkeepers… but clearly our parents and the society at large have a hand in building our prisons. They create roles for us — and self-images — that hold us captive for a long time. The individual intent on self-renewal will have to deal with ghosts of the past — the memory of earlier failures, the remnants of childhood dramas and rebellions, the accumulated grievances and resentments that have long outlived their cause. Sometimes people cling to the ghosts with something almost approaching pleasure — but the hampering effect on growth is inescapable.
Of the lessons we learn along the vector of living — things difficult to grasp early in life — he considers the hardest yet most liberating:
You come to understand that most people are neither for you nor against you, they are thinking about themselves. You learn that no matter how hard you try to please, some people in this world are not going to love you, a lesson that is at first troubling and then really quite relaxing.
64PLUS assists people to achieve a transition to a fulfilling retirement.
Retirement Coaching, its benefits, with a case study. 64PLUS helps you transition to a fulfilling retirement.
What can a life in retirement look like?
Introduction
Do you think of retirement as relaxation at the beach? Is this the image of the retired life that you want? If so I want to challenge your beliefs.
For example:
Did you know that retirement can last for 10,000 days. That's a long time,
OK maybe you accept the arithmetic above, but still desire a retired life on the beach.
However what if you run out of things to do (you can also worry about running out of money, but that’s another matter).
I know it’s impossible to project forward like this, but can you accept that it’s a possibility?
If so, let me add two more potential problems:
What if you retired in order to reduce the stress in your life, how do you think it will pan out after the honeymoon period of retirement?
What if you suffer from relevance deprivation syndrome once you retire?
OK, so if you got this far I hope you will take a second look at my question:
Is this the image of the retired life that you want?
and have concluded that there could be more to retired life than you had thought. So what?
Retirement coaching
Well, I have an answer that may suit you. It’s probably unfamiliar. It’s called retirement coaching.
Retirement coaching is a cousin to financial planning, centred on finding the best outcome for you, after considering your circumstances.
I think the best way to go deeper is to look at a case study of one of my clients.
Case study
1. Why retirement coaching?
Sue (*), a high level specialist doctor, came to me because of her fears around retirement, which came from two sources. During a stint of long-service leave some years ago she found herself at a loose end and didn’t cope well. Also she witnessed how her father failed to find meaning in retirement.
2. What did her partner think?
In a joint session with her husband he expressed an opinion that he wants her to learn how to relax. He's also concerned about how they can work out a way of living together in retirement.
3. What will she miss from work?
She will miss several aspects of her work life such as the energy at work, the daily banter, and her status.
4. How Sue moved to uncover her meaning in retirement
In our joint search for her meaning in retirement we uncovered that she is a perfectionist with a deep-seated fear of failure.
This is a lesson I learned for myself. I am a student of language. My Italian is quite good but my Japanese is awful. Actually that doesn’t matter. Why not? Because my goal is not perfection, it’s to meet Japanese speakers and help them with their English. Besides, failure in retirement doesn’t have consequences, as you won’t get the sack!
5. How was success achieved
As a retirement coach I spend 6 sessions with a client, each one hour in length. Towards the end of her 6 sessions, after we had covered many topics such as energy, procrastination, motivation, planning, emotions and many more, she formulated a plan for her retirement.
The plan consists of a portfolio of various activities that will suit her needs and ambitions for retirement, always bearing in mind that - as her own boss in retirement - she can afford to be flexible and make changes along the way.
Conclusion
A retirement coach can help you to locate your meaning in retirement. It takes six session but you learn a huge amount about yourself along the way. Please reach out to me on jon@64plus.com.au for more information.
(*) Not her real name.
The Six F’s of retirement according to 64PLUS, the retirement coaching practice. 64PLUS helps people to transition to a fulfilling retirement.
There are three pillars that support a fulfilling retirement:
· Health
· Wealth
· Factor X
I wish I could rhyme Factor X with the other two but, until I can, Factor X is the name for all those emotional aspects of retirement that go beyond health and wealth. You will meet some of them in this article.
I won’t discuss wealth, as I want to leave to one side all those money issues to do with how long you will live, the potential for rising inflation and the perennial issue of investment uncertainty.
Also I won’t discuss health as, in the 64PLUS practice of retirement coaching, it’s assumed you have your own health and exercise plan.
But finally there is Factor X, the emotional side to retirement, which can be summarised in this question: will you have a fulfilling retirement?
Now we are in the realm of the emotions and feelings that govern retirement, where there are two salient registers:
Fear of what lies ahead
Excitement about a new future
And these are opposite to each other, as clearly one is negative the other positive. Those who are excited by retirement can be trusted to map out their own future, while those engulfed by fear and apprehension should benefit from some help. Let’s go into more detail.
I have identified six of these fears, as they can apply to anyone on the threshold of, or recently entered into, retirement. I call them the 6 F’s of retirement, where F stands for “fear”. Here they are, and of course there are many more:
Will I be bored now that I have seven days a week that are potentially free?
I had a routine when I worked, how will I cope without one or will I need a new routine?
I used to be important when I worked, do I need to find a new way to be important?
Work defined me, how can I now define myself (to others as well)?
Will my children and/or my partner be worried about how I’ll cope in this new world of retirement?
When I worked I had a purpose, a use, a value to others but what about now?
Do you feel any of these? Are any bells ringing?
If so, you may benefit from retirement coaching and 64PLUS can help.
Contact jon@64plus.com.au for more information and visit the website www.64plus.com.au
Autonomy-the sequel
In the previous article on Autonomy I mentioned how I went to my dictionary to find a definition of the word autonomy. I concluded it means the same as freedom. I then made the point that a retired person has the opportunity to gain lots of freedom. But that cuts both ways. A lack of freedom can come at a cost, for example causing issues within a family. I have an example.
There is a Japanese expression called “Wet Leaf Syndrome”. Just imagine a Japanese “salaryman” who retires after 40 years and, lacking a sense of freedom, follows his wife around each day. To the wife that might feel like a wet leaf stuck to her shoe. Harsh but fair?
I also wondered if too much freedom can cause a retired person to lose track of their meaning/purpose in retirement. You know, buzzing around like a bee. As I like to quote: Busy Is Not Always meaningful: or BINAM.
The remedy is to re-connect with your basic values. These form the moorings of your retired life. Some people in retirement seek social connection and teamwork, others may want to go it on their own through creative endeavours. Obviously a mix of the two is also possible.
As I say to clients, make sure your personal mix fits within your budgets: both your time budget and your energy budget.
If you want clarification on these matters please reach out to me.
Retirement: You won’t know what it is like until you get there.
What is autonomy and what does it mean in retirement?
I was at lunch recently with friends, where we found ourselves discussing the idea of autonomy. After that discussion I thought to find out what the word “autonomy” actually means. So I went to my dictionary and found that it means setting your own laws. OK, maybe that applies at the level of a state or country.
Fortunately the dictionary goes on to explain that autonomy for the individual is close to the concept of freedom. That’s the definition I want to work with in this article.
All this got me thinking how does freedom change over the life of an individual? At the risk of overgeneralizing it seems clear that:
· A child has limited autonomy
· An adolescent often demands autonomy (typically not granted)
· For adults - and again I speak generally - there can be many limits to autonomy. What I have in mind here is the obvious triumvirate of work, marriage and children.
Where is this all leading? What has it got to do with retirement? Well, it seems to me that a retired person has an opportunity for lots of freedom.
However, this freedom can come at a cost, as too much autonomy may cause issues, for example with family relationships. It may even lead to a retired person spinning around with no real purpose and, as I often say, purpose is the pillar of a fulfilling retirement.
In a subsequent article I will investigate some of the ways to manage, control and, at the same time, benefit from autonomy.