A case study of transition to retirement that involves retirement coaching.

https://www.thegoldentimes.com.au/how-to-get-your-retirement-back-on-the-right-path/

What a life in retirement can mean, including a case study that discusses the importance of the transition to retirement, the questions it raises, and how to unlock meaning a purpose in retirement.

Click on the link below

https://www.providencegroup.com.au/post/what-can-a-life-in-retirement-look-like

What is retirement coaching and how can it help in the transition to retirement?

 Click on the link below and watch the video.

https://www.providencegroup.com.au/retirement-coaching-services

Some thoughts from John Gardner, a very interesting writer

With an eye to the mystery of why some people and not others manage to live with vitality until the end, and to the fact that life metes out its cruelties and its mercies with an uneven hand, Gardner writes:

One must be compassionate in assessing the reasons. Perhaps life just presented them with tougher problems than they could solve. It happens. Perhaps they were pulled down by the hidden resentments and grievances that grow in adult life, sometimes so luxuriantly that, like tangled vines, they immobilize the victim. Perhaps something inflicted a major wound on their confidence or their self-esteem. You’ve known such people — feeling secretly defeated, maybe somewhat sour and cynical, or perhaps just vaguely dispirited. Or perhaps they grew so comfortable that adventures no longer beckoned.

Recognizing that the challenges we face are both personal and structural, that we are products of our conditions and conditioning but also entirely responsible for ourselves, he adds:

We build our own prisons and serve as our own jailkeepers… but clearly our parents and the society at large have a hand in building our prisons. They create roles for us — and self-images — that hold us captive for a long time. The individual intent on self-renewal will have to deal with ghosts of the past — the memory of earlier failures, the remnants of childhood dramas and rebellions, the accumulated grievances and resentments that have long outlived their cause. Sometimes people cling to the ghosts with something almost approaching pleasure — but the hampering effect on growth is inescapable.

Of the lessons we learn along the vector of living — things difficult to grasp early in life — he considers the hardest yet most liberating:

You come to understand that most people are neither for you nor against you, they are thinking about themselves. You learn that no matter how hard you try to please, some people in this world are not going to love you, a lesson that is at first troubling and then really quite relaxing.

 64PLUS assists people to achieve a transition to a fulfilling retirement.

Retirement Coaching, its benefits, with a case study. 64PLUS helps you transition to a fulfilling retirement.

What can a life in retirement look like?

Introduction

Do you think of retirement as relaxation at the beach? Is this the image of the retired life that you want? If so I want to challenge your beliefs.

For example:

Did you know that retirement can last for 10,000 days. That's a long time,

OK maybe you accept the arithmetic above, but still desire a retired life on the beach.

However what if you run out of things to do (you can also worry about running out of money, but that’s another matter).

I know it’s impossible to project forward like this, but can you accept that it’s a possibility?

If so, let me add two more potential problems:

What if you retired in order to reduce the stress in your life, how do you think it will pan out after the honeymoon period of retirement?

What if you suffer from relevance deprivation syndrome once you retire?

OK, so if you got this far I hope you will take a second look at my question:

Is this the image of the retired life that you want?

and have concluded that there could be more to retired life than you had thought. So what?

Retirement coaching

Well, I have an answer that may suit you. It’s probably unfamiliar. It’s called retirement coaching.

Retirement coaching is a cousin to financial planning, centred on finding the best outcome for you, after considering your circumstances.

I think the best way to go deeper is to look at a case study of one of my clients.

Case study

1.   Why retirement coaching?

Sue (*), a high level specialist doctor, came to me because of her fears around retirement, which came from two sources. During a stint of long-service leave some years ago she found herself at a loose end and didn’t cope well. Also she witnessed how her father failed to find meaning in retirement.

2.   What did her partner think?

In a joint session with her husband he expressed an opinion that he wants her to learn how to relax. He's also concerned about how they can work out a way of living together in retirement.

3.   What will she miss from work?

She will miss several aspects of her work life such as the energy at work, the daily banter, and her status.

4.   How Sue moved to uncover her meaning in retirement

In our joint search for her meaning in retirement we uncovered that she is a perfectionist with a deep-seated fear of failure.

This is a lesson I learned for myself. I am a student of language. My Italian is quite good but my Japanese is awful. Actually that doesn’t matter. Why not? Because my goal is not perfection, it’s to meet Japanese speakers and help them with their English. Besides, failure in retirement doesn’t have consequences, as you won’t get the sack!

5.   How was success achieved

As a retirement coach I spend 6 sessions with a client, each one hour in length. Towards the end of her 6 sessions, after we had covered many topics such as energy, procrastination, motivation, planning, emotions and many more, she formulated a plan for her retirement.

The plan consists of a portfolio of various activities that will suit her needs and ambitions for retirement, always bearing in mind that - as her own boss in retirement - she can afford to be flexible and make changes along the way.

Conclusion

A retirement coach can help you to locate your meaning in retirement. It takes six session but you learn a huge amount about yourself along the way. Please reach out to me on jon@64plus.com.au for more information.

(*) Not her real name.

The Six F’s of retirement according to 64PLUS, the retirement coaching practice. 64PLUS helps people to transition to a fulfilling retirement.

 There are three pillars that support a fulfilling retirement: 

·      Health

·      Wealth

·      Factor X

I wish I could rhyme Factor X with the other two but, until I can, Factor X is the name for all those emotional aspects of retirement that go beyond health and wealth. You will meet some of them in this article.

I won’t discuss wealth, as I want to leave to one side all those money issues to do with how long you will live, the potential for rising inflation and the perennial issue of investment uncertainty.

Also I won’t discuss health as, in the 64PLUS practice of retirement coaching, it’s assumed you have your own health and exercise plan.

But finally there is Factor X, the emotional side to retirement, which can be summarised in this question: will you have a fulfilling retirement? 

Now we are in the realm of the emotions and feelings that govern retirement, where there are two salient registers:

• Fear of what lies ahead

• Excitement about a new future

And these are opposite to each other, as clearly one is negative the other positive. Those who are excited by retirement can be trusted to map out their own future, while those engulfed by fear and apprehension should benefit from some help. Let’s go into more detail.

I have identified six of these fears, as they can apply to anyone on the threshold of, or recently entered into, retirement. I call them the 6 F’s of retirement, where F stands for “fear”. Here they are, and of course there are many more:

• Will I be bored now that I have seven days a week that are potentially free?

• I had a routine when I worked, how will I cope without one or will I need a new routine?

• I used to be important when I worked, do I need to find a new way to be important?

• Work defined me, how can I now define myself (to others as well)?

• Will my children and/or my partner be worried about how I’ll cope in this new world of retirement?

• When I worked I had a purpose, a use, a value to others but what about now?

Do you feel any of these? Are any bells ringing?

If so, you may benefit from retirement coaching and 64PLUS can help.

 Contact jon@64plus.com.au for more information and visit the website www.64plus.com.au

Autonomy-the sequel

In the previous article on Autonomy I mentioned how I went to my dictionary to find a definition of the word autonomy. I concluded it means the same as freedom. I then made the point that a retired person has the opportunity to gain lots of freedom. But that cuts both ways. A lack of freedom can come at a cost, for example causing issues within a family. I have an example.

There is a Japanese expression called “Wet Leaf Syndrome”. Just imagine a Japanese “salaryman” who retires after 40 years and, lacking a sense of freedom, follows his wife around each day. To the wife that might feel like a wet leaf stuck to her shoe. Harsh but fair?

I also wondered if too much freedom can cause a retired person to lose track of their meaning/purpose in retirement. You know, buzzing around like a bee. As I like to quote: Busy Is Not Always meaningful: or BINAM.

The remedy is to re-connect with your basic values. These form the moorings of your retired life. Some people in retirement seek social connection and teamwork, others may want to go it on their own through creative endeavours. Obviously a mix of the two is also possible.

As I say to clients, make sure your personal mix fits within your budgets: both your time budget and your energy budget.

If you want clarification on these matters please reach out to me.

  Retirement: You won’t know what it is like until you get there.

What is autonomy and what does it mean in retirement?

I was at lunch recently with friends, where we found ourselves discussing the idea of autonomy. After that discussion I thought to find out what the word “autonomy” actually means. So I went to my dictionary and found that it means setting your own laws. OK, maybe that applies at the level of a state or country.

Fortunately the dictionary goes on to explain that autonomy for the individual is close to the concept of freedom. That’s the definition I want to work with in this article.

All this got me thinking how does freedom change over the life of an individual? At the risk of overgeneralizing it seems clear that:

·      A child has limited autonomy

·      An adolescent often demands autonomy (typically not granted)

·      For adults - and again I speak generally - there can be many limits to autonomy. What I have in mind here is the obvious triumvirate of work, marriage and children.

Where is this all leading? What has it got to do with retirement? Well, it seems to me that a retired person has an opportunity for lots of freedom.

However, this freedom can come at a cost, as too much autonomy may cause issues, for example with family relationships. It may even lead to a retired person spinning around with no real purpose and, as I often say, purpose is the pillar of a fulfilling retirement.

In a subsequent article I will investigate some of the ways to manage, control and, at the same time, benefit from autonomy.

Mindset in retirement

Fortune article on key mindsets of retirement March 2024

The idea of retirement as envisioned by our parents is undergoing a radical change. Once viewed as the last chapter before death, it has now morphed into an intermediate phase that is no longer synonymous with old age or complete inactivity. Today, a typical retiree can reasonably expect to live another 20 to 30 years, ideally in good health, provided they continue to exercise both body and mind. In this context, the word “retirement” seems obsolete. It is perhaps more fitting to refer to it as the “third half” of life.

However, retirement often entails a profound change of identity, especially if work played a substantial role in shaping one’s identity. Losing much of what defines us while still possessing the energy and desire for a working life can be profoundly disorienting.

Getting the transition to retirement right is vital for retirees, their colleagues, and organizations. Through our research and interactions with professionals navigating this shift, we have pinpointed four psychological mindsets associated with the transition to retirement.

1.   The switch

Vanessa was a partner in an audit firm in Paris. At the age of 51, she decided to cease her professional activity. “I was getting old and realizing it,” she says. She gave herself two years to organize her succession and slowed down, changing her occupation day by day.

“Things had changed in my head; it had become difficult to stay at 100%,” she says, adding that she was thinking about her “future job.” A year after her retirement, she remains active, but in a different field, now running a bed and breakfast hotel in Marseille. She takes daily walks to the market to source produce for her guests, and winters in the southern hemisphere for two months during the winter lull.  

“Switch” professionals like Vanessa describe a natural transition to their “third half” identity. The common feature among them is how carefully they prepare with small incremental changes and open discussions about their plans. They seem to have departed from their former professional identity without regret, moving towards a new identity that they may not idealize but recognize for its positive benefits.

2.   Transcendence

Denis retired a year ago. He is critical of his former professional environment, where he feels there is still a strong “alpha male” culture and excessive professional commitment. Nevertheless, he serves as a non-executive director of various organizations, one of which is a former client of his.

Other aspects of his work, however, are completely new to him. He has learned to cede executive control and take a position of oversight, which is both rewarding and different. Above all, he has adopted a holistic approach to life, leaving more room for what he finds deeply fulfilling and interesting. For instance, he takes pleasure in coaching a junior basketball team in his spare time.

Individuals who are “transcending” share similarities with professionals going through a rapid “switch.” However, the distinction lies in their desire to maintain a professional identity and shift in steps. They exist in a liminal stage, straddling between two places. Even if they are ready to engage in new activities, they do not wish to completely give up their professional lives, whether in terms of activities or the customers they serve. They have one foot in the new and one still in the old, offering a sense of psychological stability and solace.

3.   Regret

Gregory, a former accounting partner, retired and became an independent consultant. He left at the mandatory age of 55 years old, relatively disillusioned but in good health. Relieved to have left the political aspects of his former organization behind, he is bitter about his new role, which he expected to have more purpose. He feels alone and lacks administrative support. To Gregory, enforced retirement felt like a schism.

Much like the “transcending” retirees, those in the “regret” mindset find themselves stuck in the middle between their professional and retiree identities. Their choice seems more painful, caught between two identities that they fundamentally dislike. Two common characteristics include a form of pessimism regarding their future and a lack of attachment to their current professional identity.

Although they are often strongly critical of their former role, they would have stayed in their profession if they had been given the choice. In short, they are deeply ambivalent and in a subdued emotional state. The former working identity was known but unwelcome, whereas the anticipated identity as a retiree remains vague and induces anxiety.

4.   The false start

Akiko reached an agreement with their law firm before leaving, allowing them to continue the activity of counsel and work with their team and clients. Knowing that they would remain with their organization, they did not prepare for retirement. “It’s a bit egotistical… What am I supposed to do? Be like the mastermind that liquidates itself?”

Akiko has maintained elements of their prior role, including the pension plan, office, and parking space under the building. People who “false start” struggle to let go of their attachments, move on, make themselves redundant, and properly plan for succession. There seems to be a denial of the need to bring new generations into the mix. They never really leave the starting blocks, hardly shedding their professional identity. Their day-to-day activities are very similar to the ones they have been doing until now. Instead of accepting their status as retirees, they deliberately, and often to their detriment, find themselves incapable of letting go of their profession.

Why retirement matters and what to do about it

Future retirees are often disoriented and relatively anxious about this new phase in their lives. As a result, organizations must carefully consider their approach to dealing with this segment of their talent pool. Should they opt to let them go completely, or do they see an advantage in maintaining a close relationship to benefit from their experience, knowledge, or network? To support and guide them toward the chosen strategy, organizations might consider the following initiatives:

Demystify procedures and guidelines

Given that retirement remains a taboo subject in many organizations, with expectations, procedures, and available options often unclear, it is important to be transparent about the company’s strategy.

Discussing the consequences of retirement together allows both parties to prepare. This can include conversations about financial considerations, access to the workplace, participation in events, and use of email. Financial incentives could be structured to discourage people from “hanging on” indefinitely.

Celebrate and honour the retiree

Organized programs can initiate and support the transition into retirement, as well as an event to say goodbye and honour their legacy. This experience can be positive for both those leaving the organization and their colleagues. Sabbaticals near the end of the executives’ tenures can provide a psychological release to explore new horizons. Assigning people ambassadorial roles at conferences and other visible and high-status events also sends an appropriate signal to the market and the individual.

Provide support

Providing people with time for reflection and creating a space for reflective practice is essential to help them prepare for retirement. Individual coaching or, better still, group coaching, can be invaluable in this regard. This allows them to reflect on their transition, verbalize their feelings and misgivings, and receive the advice and benchmarking they may need.

Despite being laden with anxiety, the so-called third half can be the most glorious chapter of life. Liberated from the shackles of insecurity and aware of their competencies and strengths, people can be empowered to contribute to broader social systems. Rather than perpetuating a taboo, healthy companies address the subject early, identify the specific mindset of each individual, and gently guide them towards a different and more constructive future.

Article on regret

The upside of regret: How a painful emotion can lead to better mental health

By Stacey Colino December 31, 2023 Washington Post

As 2023 comes to a close, you may find yourself conducting a personal year in review, taking inventory of what went well and what didn’t. Which means you may end up experiencing regret.

Regret can be painful, but it can also be a powerful tool for self-understanding and change.

“If you pay attention to regret, you can learn from your mistakes and make decisions and handle emotions better in the future,” said psychologist Robert Leahy, director of the American Institute for Cognitive Therapy in New York and author of the book “If Only … Finding Freedom From Regret.”

“Regret helps you imagine possibilities,” he said. Regrets can be large or small, persistent or fleeting. They can be for something you did (like drinking too much and getting sloppy at a holiday party) or for something you didn’t do but wish you had (such as not accepting a challenging job or asking someone out on a date.)

Research has found that the five most common sources of regret relate to education, career, romance, parenting and self-improvement. These are areas where people “see their largest opportunities” or “tangible prospects for change, growth, and renewal,” the researchers noted.

Fortunately, everyone can benefit from exploring their regrets. “If you think about regret and use it as a guide for changing your behaviour in the future, it won’t linger in your life,” said Todd McElroy, an associate professor of psychology at Florida Gulf Coast University in Fort Myers. “Your regret will go away.”

Consider what regret is trying to tell you

Experts recommend asking yourself the following questions and then reflecting on the answers:

·       Why do I feel regret?

·       What drove my decision then?

·       What do I care about?

·       What could I do differently in the future, based on my values?

“Regrets tend to be related to who you are and what’s most important to you, to your core values,” said Elizabeth Lombardo, a clinical psychologist in the Chicago area and author of “Get Out of the Red Zone.”

Denise Grothouse, a 57-year-old marketing professional in Naples, Fla., has regret around her father’s death. She recalls visiting him when he was dying of cancer and unable to speak. Grothouse had to make a hasty exit to drop off her seven-year-old son at his dad’s house.

As she was leaving her father’s room, he began to cry in a way she’d never heard before. “I knew at that moment that I would never see my father alive again, but I didn’t want my son’s dad to be angry with me for being late,” Grothouse said.

In retrospect, she regrets not trusting her instincts to stay. “In that moment, I gave away the agency over my life to someone else,” she said.

But she has also learned from the experience, and embraced the mantra: “There is a reason your windshield is larger than your rear-view mirror.”

“Embracing this mind-set acknowledges that my past has value because every hardship contains a lesson,” she said. “But it helps me focus on steering myself toward a better future.”

Avoid ruminating about regrets

The key to using regret to your advantage is to analyse it but not to dwell on it. To evaluate your regrets constructively, set aside a specific time to evaluate a particular regret. Give yourself 10 to 15 minutes to reflect on it then get back to your current life.

“Rumination keeps you locked in your head, spinning your wheels,” Leahy said. “Rumination is not the same as solving problems, and it may not give you clarity.”

While you shouldn’t ruminate on regret, you shouldn’t ignore it either.

“Regret is an emotion that doesn’t feel very good but it often has something important to teach us,” said Laurie Santos, a professor of psychology at Yale University and host of “The Happiness Lab” podcast. “Regret is a signal to how we could behave better in the future — so we ignore it at our own peril.”

Take corrective action

Consider whether your regret has to do with your actions or inactions, Santos advised. If it’s related to something you said or did, you may be able to rectify the situation by apologizing to someone you hurt or by reaching out to someone you lost touch with.

“There’s real power in an apology, in coming clean and taking responsibility for your actions,” Lombardo said. “Putting it out there has the power to help your relationship.”

If you can’t fix a situation, you can try to accept something good about the experience. Tell yourself, “At least I’ve learned _____,” and then fill in the blank, Santos suggested.

If your regret stems from inaction (say, you didn’t accept an appealing job offer), think about what you can do now to improve your current work situation or look for a new one.

Be kind to yourself

Self-compassion means treating yourself with the care and understanding you would give to a dear friend. One series of studies found that self-compassion helped people better cope with regret. Acknowledging that “I’m human and I make mistakes” allows you to live with your regrets peacefully. “It doesn’t mean you forget it or that what you did was okay,” Lombardo noted. “But you can forgive yourself and move to a place of acceptance.”

Stephanie Shanks, a 42-year-old mother of three in Baraboo, Wisc., said her biggest regrets involve opportunities she missed out on. Her list of regrets includes twice choosing the wrong romantic partner and not taking care of her personal well-being.

After working on self-forgiveness, she built up the courage to change her life and launched her own photography studio.

“Now, I prioritize my own needs and focus on the fact that I’m doing the best I can to be the best I can be in the future,” she said.

Remind yourself hindsight isn’t always 20/20

Studies show that sometimes people idealize choices they didn’t make, believing that the road they didn’t take would have led to a much better outcome.

“We have to remember there is no perfect path,” said study co-author Dan Feiler, an associate professor of organizational behavioural science at the Tuck School of Business at Dartmouth College.

As you look back on what you didn’t do in 2023, remember that you made decisions based on the information you had at the time. “Sometimes the best lesson you can learn from regret is to be realistic about your expectations and limitations,” Leahy said.