Let’s Help Prepare you for YOUR Retirement:
No two retirements look the same - yours won't either. Below, you'll find a selection of articles written to help you put words to something you might not have realised needed articulating. Sometimes the hardest part isn't finding the answer; it's not knowing there was a question worth asking in the first place.
If you'd like a feel for how I think about retirement - or a sense of what working together might actually be like before you commit to a call - start with the blog. It's the closest thing to sitting in on a conversation with me.
Retirement, sea change and regret
Imagine two neighbours Paul and Paula, both aged 60, and both on the point of retirement. Paul and his wife Dianne decide that it’s time to move out of the city. Paula and her husband Mike stay in the city. Paul and Paula meet for coffee one year later. Here is a part of their conversation.
Paul: Hey Paula, I am not enjoying life away from the buzz of the city and my network of friends and relatives. Truth is, I’m pretty bored.
Paula: Hey Paul, we feel the opposite. City life is strangling us. Maybe it’s too late to move.
Listening to these expressed regrets shows us different emotions at work. Paul is blaming himself for the choice he made, while Paula is envious of the choice that Paul has made i.e. the choice she didn’t make.
In addition, we don’t know to what extent these two friends feel that they had control over their decisions, or were hostage to Mike’s and Dianne’s wishes.
Of course regret affects everyone differently according to its:
1. Intensity
2. Frequency
3. Duration
However the regret in our example is not all bad:
1. Paul and Paula can reflect on their experiences and learn from them.
2. There will be silver linings to the choices they made/didn’t make.
Retirement is a time to make choices, because you can. Choices can bring regret. Fact. But experiencing and learning from regret can be beneficial.
Retirement: You won’t know what it is like until you get there.
What is retirement coaching? Watch this short video to find out!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-EbOSMLaVQ
A new podcast from About You
In this podcast my guest talks about his own story - all stories all special - and then introduces the idea that retirement should not be a substitute for work but replace it with activities. Interesting concept.
Top 4 signs that your retirement is not going all that well
Everybody has his/her own retirement. There is no “best” and no “worst” retirement experience. However there can be signs that things are not going well for YOU.
What might they be? Here is a short list of warning signs to be aware of:
1. Your partner/husband/wife keeps giving you routine tasks to carry out; which you resent: because you feel your retirement space is not respected. As examples:
-Hanging pictures on the wall;
-Weeding the garden;
2. When asked about your purpose, meaning and activities in your retired life you frequently refer back to your working life, using pronouns such as “we” and “us”.
3. You observe that your retired friends seem to have a clearly defined meaning and purpose in their lives. You wonder what YOU are lacking.
4. You overhear your adult children talking about how concerned they are for you because YOU don’t seem to be very motivated or purposeful. They talk about how they are worried about your well-being.
Retirement: You won’t know what it is like until you get there.
About You - A new podcast
In this podcast John and I discuss routine and validation, amongst other topics.
Please forgive the scratchy opening seconds….teething issues!
If you would like to appear as a guest on my podcast please contact me.
Dunning Kruger
Self-assessment is a dangerous activity. Have you noticed that most people believe they are good drivers, further that they are better than average. This is the Dunning Kruger effect.
Experiments have shown that in a random sample of drivers as many as 80% self-assess as above average. Shouldn’t the number be around 50% and what has this got to do with retirement?
My research has shown me that most people rate their retirement as successful. Now I am not suggesting that there is any logical measure of what success in retirement even means. There are too many variations in personality and social and economical arrangements to make that feasible. Moreover, I know many people who are very happily retired.
But this retirement self-rating strikes me as odd, and possibly another example of Dunning Kruger at work. I also think I can explain why. Retirement is so often thought of as a vacant space that comes after work in which not too much happens that is considered useful by our broader society. Therefore measured against that bleak metric any retirement would look great.
Retirement is not a vacant space. It can be an enormously exciting and productive time. This is where retirement coaching can benefit a person near or in retirement; simply because it puts some OBJECTIVITY into the analysis.
The retirement coach – with all of his/her experience - can help the client to see where to improve the postwork phase of life by understanding the dynamics involved.
Knowledge is a good thing. Why not get help from someone who knows?
Retirement: You won’t know what it is like until you get there.
Challenge versus Lethargy
Catatonia is a state of mind (unlike Catalonia which is a state of Spain) characterised by rigidity, unresponsiveness and general purposelessness, that was studied by Dr Oliver Sacks (who wrote the magnificently titled book “The man who mistook his wife for a hat”. What is the connection to retirement?
Think of your life in your 40s as a sometimes struggle: money, family, children, work. A sometimes struggle with difficult decisions to make, and difficult problems to deal with: for example teenage children.
Now in your 60s the struggle has receded, but what is left is the choice between challenge and lethargy.
You can choose to drift into lethargy in your retired years. There is nothing wrong with that. However, why not challenge yourself with new activities such as learning woodwork, or a new language, or meeting new people, or helping less fortunate people.
Now your challenge is not a struggle. Failure drops from your lexicon, you can decide your own pace of activity, and it should be an altogether happy experience, but at the same time a chance to use all the skills you deployed in your years of struggle. Why not?
Retirement: You won’t know what it is like until you get there.
Podcasts, Privacy and People
64PLUS has recently launched a series of podcasts called “About You” (see the blog section of http://www.64plus.com.au/) in which I interview a retired/retiring person and then post it to my website and distribute through social media.
This exercise has got me thinking about why someone would or would not want to appear on my podcast. Here are some thoughts:
Top reasons to want to appear:
You have some great ideas you want to share with others like you
You think it will be fun to be in a podcast-you are an extrovert
You are not worried about being judged for what you say
Top reasons NOT to want to appear:
You are still working and don’t want the boss to know what you are thinking
You are not happy to share your thoughts in public
You don’t think you have anything worthwhile to say on the subject
So there it is. People are different. But this brings me to the question of retirement coaching and why there seem to be some impediments that prevent some people from seeking a retirement coach’s help. Could there be some embarrassment in asking for this kind of help?
We don’t hesitate to pick up the phone for dentists, cobblers and plumbers when we need their help. But retirement coaches: that is another dimension. Why is it so?
I think some people (not all) have feelings of embarrassment around retirement. I am not surprised. Our culture depreciates retirement while expecting men in particular to work for the benefit of family and society.
In other words retirement gets a bad rap and it goes like this: if you are retired you are useless and not a contributor to society.
THIS IS FALSE.
Postwork is an enormous opportunity to contribute to self-development, family and society through charity work, mentoring, grandparenting etc. It’s a chance to replace embarrassment with pride, uncertainty with routine, insecurity with activity. At the very least it’s a chance to rethink your life.
If you aren’t sure what all this means perhaps a retirement coach could be helpful. What is the risk in trying?
Also if you would like to appear on my podcast About You, let me know.
Retirement: You won’t know what it is like until you get there.