Why are there obstacles in your life?

Sometimes it can seem that there are obstacles in life that hinder you from reaching a goal. And in a general sense this must be true; as in economics so in life: the resources to apply to the time available, well it turns out that both are finite. We know this.

But as the psychoanalyst Adam Phillips has pointed out, sometimes the obstacle reveals something about what we want that perhaps we hadn't thought about.

I have a practical example below that relates to me. I would like to turn off my devices each day for a fixed, and preferably, long period of time.

No email, no texts, no Facebook, no LinkedIn, no Twitter; so that I can get on with, and spend time doing, the things I want to spend time on: WITHOUT INTERRUPTION.

Then I can really hope to understand the use of the sign below. Why do I need to have this obstacle of interruption constantly breaking in? I don't know. Perhaps I need to feel wired into the world. I need to think about this some more. I suspect that this obstacle may be common for people in postwork.

Retirement: you won't know what it's like until you get there.

The ages and stages

It seems a bit strange that we have some pretty clear stages of life that roughly map onto age, and here I mean:

• Education - 20 years
• Work - 40 years
• Retirement or postwork - 20 years

It's fashionable nowadays to talk about the need for continuing education of workers.

Good.

However, we don't talk much about how to cross the divide from work to postwork. Yet we have all of these skills acquired in a 40 year period of work such as self-organisation, people management and task completion, that could be applied to life after work. 

To me this means that once we find our MEANING in life postwork, we should have all the skills necessary to pursue that happily.

Retirement: You won't know what it is like until you get there.

Boredom 3.0: the wrap-up

In previous posts we discussed boredom:

1. as the state of mind that is the opposite to activity
2. how the too-easy remedy is to find distractions such as the internet. 

But looking at the second point,  I warned that this antidote is not necessarily the right medicine. Apparently Kierkegaard the Danish philosopher said that keeping busy is the impulse to escape the present. By the way, he is the only philosopher I am aware of whose face appears as a decal on the tail of a national airline!

In terms of the senses it is perhaps taste that most closely reflects boredom. When we are bored perhaps the world no longer tastes good. Certainly eating food, particularly more than you need for your body, is something you might do when bored.

But what if boredom is the creative time that you can use to think through postwork issues such as:

• do I want to leave a legacy?
• do I want to make a difference in the world?

Retirement: You won't know what it's like till you get there.

Boredom 2.0

In the post last week we saw a working definition of boredom: more about what it isn't; why it might occur in retirement; and what to do and not do with boredom.

Boredom may be defined as the search for something; but you aren't sure what that might be.

Go with it to see where it leads.

Be careful not to sabotage the gift of boredom with constant distractions, as mentioned last week, for example with the internet, FaceBook etc.

My favourite quote on boredom comes from the German philosopher Walter Benjamin:

“Boredom is the dream bird that hatches the egg of experience.”

It merits a moment's contemplation.

Retirement: you won't know what it's like till you get there.

Boredom 1.0

What is boredom?

It has many definitions and aspects. It is easier to define it by its exact opposite, which comes when you are so busy you can't scratch yourself.

In retirement you may find yourself getting bored, with the absence of activity. The whirlwind of work having stopped.

Perhaps boredom is a name for the activity (non-activity) of taking the time to find out what interests you.

Beware of distraction, which comes in the form of incessant checking of mobile devices - Facebook, email, LinkedIn etc. - as it may be nothing more than a deferral. A deferral of the search for your meaning. Let the boredom take over and honour it with some time in your day, I suggest.

Retirement: you won't know what it's like until you get there.

There is retirement and there is retirement!

In an article I read recently (*) the authors teased out some interesting definitions of retirement:

1) A total exit from the workforce;

2) A reduction in hours worked/earnings;

3) Receipt of some sort of pension;

4) Transition from full-time to part-time work, perhaps with a career change involved;

5) Self-assessed as retired;

6) Left main employer;

7)  A combination of some of the above.

WHICH OF THESE IS/WILL BE  YOU?

(*) Denton, F and Spencer, G Social and Economic Dimensions of an Ageing Population. 2008.

Wexit; or what happens after you leave work.

Introduction

It all goes back to the Greeks. A few years ago Greece was a possible candidate as the first country to leave the European Union. It didn’t happen then; it may happen in the future, it may not.

A new word

The word that the world’s press fell in love with at the time was Grexit, as it seemed to describe the prospect quite well; and now we have Brexit. So, what I would put forward as the word to substitute for that difficult word “retirement” – so freighted and emotional – is Wexit – or Work exit.

Just as with a decent Grexit or Brexit in prospect, Wexit demands answers to certain questions such as when, how, why and what? However it’s unlikely that the average Wexit will involve foreign ministers, trade delegations, lawyers, or prime ministers.

Answers to questions

Instead there will be employers, colleagues, superannuation consultants – oh and don’t forget family and friends. But there is much more at stake than the Wexit. That may turn out to be quite simple, particularly if it happens to you: employed one day, out of work the next.

What really counts is what happens next; so the Wexit is really the first part of another process which consists of how you deal with the ensuing 30 or so years of life. And this deserves thought and, I would say, help.

Who will you seek help from when your Wexit happens, or now that it has happened?

Ikigai, or, why get out of bed in the morning?

I believe that “ikigai”, a Japanese word, translates loosely as “why get out of bed in the morning”. To put it differently, what is the meaning of your life. Let’s divide life into phases:

Phase 1: School.

If a child doesn’t want to get out of bed in the morning to go to school then there is almost certainly going to be a parent who facilitates.

Phase 2: University or Technical College.

In this instance, the parent may be less involved than the young adult, but there is still a motivation to get out of bed, even if it’s not sufficiently strong every day.

Phase 3: Work.

What needs saying? How many bosses/employers will tolerate lengthy and unexplained absences from work?

Phase 4: Postwork.

Now it gets interesting. What is your motivation to get out of bed?

What is the meaning in your life?

A coach can help.

Your legacy in retirement

What is a legacy?

Legacy is a concept with two senses. The better understood sense is that of a financial bequest, perhaps an inheritance, from one generation to the next. But legacy also has a second, related meaning.

That second meaning comes about because each of us leaves a trace in the world, and some of that may be by accident, but if it is by design then that is a specific sort of legacy that we can think about.

Legacy and postwork

Supposing you are already retired, then your work legacy is effectively sealed in a box, a box that when opened may release fair and foul odours, but there is not a whole lot of useful work you can do on that legacy, once you have ceased employment.

Now that you are retired you can think about your legacy (trace in the world) in at least two ways.

Legacy number 1

First you can ponder the ways in which you helped or can help other people. This may come through charity work, through devotion to family or perhaps through friendship. You now have the time and space to work on this, if you choose.

Legacy number 2

The second legacy is related to the first but subtly different, it’s the things you achieved for yourself – perhaps selfishly, perhaps altruistically – but which define the way in which people will remember you: she was a good golfer, he was a fine cook; he enjoyed classical music, she was always friendly to the neighbours.

Conclusion

Now the sense of legacy is getting quite diffuse as compared with a simple endowment of money to a specific person. In some estimations this is a very important area for self-analysis, if you choose that path, but some may not. Perhaps you need help?

Transitions

Why are transitions important? Are they a hindrance or a help? READ ON.

The meaning of a transition

Transition is an interesting word. It has a very abstract sense, almost cold and mechanical, that indicates movement. But it also connects to the word passage, which I think is much warmer and more emotional, and can bring up associations that might mean tight or difficult, or easy and wide; depending on context and interpretation.

However, with transition to or towards retirement, I would like to concentrate very narrowly on that emotional engagement that a person will have with self, family, friends, work and any other number of agents as he or she negotiates that transition.

Emotional engagement

For example, it may take time to realise that when you don’t kit up for work on Monday morning you have a lot of time on your hands and a lot of space in your place of residence, and that both need to be negotiated.

And so, in this transition you may find yourself in one or several of these states of mind:

1) Looking back and missing what you once had as a worker in your job.

2) Going through the transition and either passing to a happy retirement or literally “going through”, in the use of that phrase, some kind of tortuous passage.

3) Going to a goal where you have defined your life’s activities in retirement. Not that having goals is going to suit everyone. Some personality types are goal-driven (that’s me), others are happy to take it as it comes. There is no correct answer here. You may recognise which category you belong to from thinking about your habits at work.

Conclusion

Transition to retirement is not an easy emotional concept to grasp but its utility is clear. It is the passage to the green pastures of a new life postwork.